"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
