I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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