Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
