She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
