So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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