Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
