I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
