Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
