how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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