You smell like a Billy Joel song
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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