I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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