dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
