I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
