he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
