I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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