Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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