Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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