Kiss
Puke
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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