she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
