Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
