Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
