Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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