I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
