Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
