New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize