I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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