I'm jealous of your bromance
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
