you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
