glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
