I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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