I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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