hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
