I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize