I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
