my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
