It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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