the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
