she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
