The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
