I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
