Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
