You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
