I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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