So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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