Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize