You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
