I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
