so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
