She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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