No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
