We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
