there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
