I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
