Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
