Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
