i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
be right there i have to get my cape
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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