Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
