apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize