it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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