I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
