I'm lost and stupid without you.
zippers are such a cool invention
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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