my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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