OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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