Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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