I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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