I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
