when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
