I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
