It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
birth control should be required to get into college
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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